I've Been Here Before A Few Times.
Who am I? I am pessimistic and optimistic. A hopeless romantic, but also realistic. I find beauty in unexpected places and people, and yet I’m very judgmental. I have so much to say, but don’t like to talk. I have a big heart but haven’t really had the chance to use it. Apparently all these things can be true at the same time: and that’s the problem with identity. It’s everything and nothing, both authentic and inauthentic. There is no one version of me, I’m always changing, with every day, every new situation, every new person I encounter, with every friend I lose. Things change. So does identity. We want different things. We grow. We learn from our mistakes. Or we don’t. Either way, we aren’t who we were yesterday. So today I’m a hopeless romantic. Tomorrow I think all that is bullshit. The day after that? Who knows?

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Theme made by Max Davis.
As I walked home I thought about the filters that we pile onto our real feelings, both consciously and unconsciously, as the years pass. I thought about the fact that I consider myself a positive person but that the thoughts that filled the entirety of my day today were likely not congruent with that idea. I thought about how, no matter how many times I repeat the phrase “let go” in my head, it is very difficult for me — all these expectations we all carry about our lives and the people we want in them. It seems no one is ever good enough for anyone anymore. That, or I am completely in the dark as to what my value is. Where do you go to figure that out? How many bonus coins do I have? What am I allowed to ask for?…You wonder if you’re jaded. You wonder if you’re too judgmental. You wonder if you’re just hanging with the wrong crowds. You wonder if there’s a group of people that you should be hanging with. You wonder if the window is closing. You wonder if you’re prepared to give up the often times beautiful unknown for the often times mundane security. You never thought you’d love being single so much. You never thought you’d miss being in a relationship so much. When you’re single, everything is a possibility. Every day is a possibility. So many options. You can always find a lower price, a newer make, less assembly. You wonder if you only feel that immensity the first time.

“That White Bitch”

 

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originally posted by thatwhitebitch

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  4. meanderingcharlie reblogged this from thatwhitebitch and added:
    Absolutely loving everything...post…This girl unknowingly knows
  5. nothingimportanttosay reblogged this from thatwhitebitch and added:
    real smart lady.
  6. bobbybeale reblogged this from thatwhitebitch
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  10. my-own-melt answered: you saw it?
  11. my-own-melt reblogged this from abcdefghiloveyou
  12. abcdefghiloveyou reblogged this from thatwhitebitch and added:
    “That White Bitch”
  13. learnin2live reblogged this from thewonderyears
  14. almostfameless answered: This was beautiful.
  15. sloppyfirsts reblogged this from meredithbklyn
  16. thewonderyears reblogged this from thatwhitebitch and added:
    “That White Bitch”
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